I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I’m planning a themed 40th year, the theme is, ‘Death Becomes Her’. I love that movie, I love Meryl and Goldie, I love the message - did you ever see the interview where Goldie Hawn talked about the original ending? It would have been so much better - and this year I saw the Broadway show in New York with the full cast.
It was well known that this particular show regularly had the understudies in the mix because the cast was older and the performances were taxing. I actually had an email letting us know that Megan Hilty wouldn’t be at our performance a few months after booking, with the offer of a full refund if we chose. I didn’t because I wanted to see the show regardless but then she was there!! That felt like a little bit of magic.
Not to dismiss the understudies AT ALL, I’m certain they’re phenomenal, but I’d been listening to the soundtrack all year and it would have been more like going to watch a tribute act vs the real thing.
As I previously mentioned - I cry at everything - and I cried basically the whole way through that show. I was so amped up to be there, the theatre was beautiful, the sets were incredible and I think they actually won a Tony for the costumes. I have this frisson with live events and music in general, I could cry at the thought of it, honestly. It’s like a heightened sensitivity to it all, I think.
The movie made its mark on me in adolescence. Looking back, there’s one clear thread that was missing from most movies of that time that this had in spades - no pun intended. Something you may not have put your finger on but it passes something called, ‘The Bechdel Test’. The test is whether you have 2 female characters (who must have names) talking about anything other than a man. Once you’re aware of it, you’ll be surprised how often a movie or TV show can’t pass that, basic as it seems. Both of these women were so self involved that the men were secondary characters, Ernest was a pawn throughout, but still - they passed with flying colours.
Seeing strong, vengeful women was appealing to my teenage self and, while on paper the messaging seemed to fit in with the 90s beauty standard, in reality it was mocking the vanity of women and reminding us how minor it is in the grand scheme of life.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m plenty vain. If there’s an anti ageing device or product to try, I probably have it, but I’ve drawn the line at cosmetic intervention because I know I’m the kind of person for whom it would be a slippery slope. I see my face more than the average and have received enough criticism of my appearance from strangers on the internet to be tempted to have just a little more.. just a little more.
The song I think speaks to every 40+ woman from the musical is, ‘Siempre Viva’
Michelle Williams - of Destiny's Child, not Dawsons Creek - sings,
For gravity’s kiss is pulling you down, you’re losing your youth, it’s unfair, it’s a bitch, it’s crime’
We don’t necessarily want to LIVE forever but watching your face collapse is feels like a punishment, while we can all agree, it’s a blessing to keep living when so many don’t get that chance. The movies message is ‘be careful what you wish for’ in a YOLO world.
If I haven’t already (I’m not sure which order I will post these episodes) but I will be sharing the painting I commissioned from Kenzi Taylor (who I’ll link in the show notes) and the pottery I made - both within this theme. I thought it would be fun, a little 90s throw back but also have a deeper message for my 40 year old, potentially more-tempted-than-ever, self. Healthy and alive is preferable to a youthful appearance. That and, I do consider myself to be somewhat of a role model, not just to my children but to my peers online.
I absolutely understand why more people like me, who see themselves a lot and have strangers pick them apart, are more susceptible to having a little tweak here and there, but I want to follow people who are ageing without that and I want to be that person for others. That keeps me more accountable that you know. There are many dark sides to sharing myself online for 15 years but there are some great silver linings too!
Anywho, the show - incredible. Experiencing something like that in a crowd is special, isn’t it? I want to make the effort to see more live theatre next year. For a long time, I avoided it because it wasn’t something I couldn’t re-experience easily. I didn’t want to fall in love with something and never be able to see it again. A live performance is a one off and something in my brain says, ‘don’t do it, you’ll be sad’. It’s true, but I have the album and it made it to the very top of my Apple Music wrapped so - it clearly made the same impression the movie did.
Some things are special because of when and how you first consumed them. They brand themselves on your heart forever because you were young or you were going through a break up or you just needed it in that moment. Death Becomes Her has that place for me, so when I get a tattoo of the potion bottle, don’t think I’m having a mid-life crisis. I’m just letting you see the brand that’s been there on the inside for decades, on the outside.
